i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
