I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
