dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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