Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
