he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My bed smells like the plague
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
