all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
