Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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