I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
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I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
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I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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