You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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