I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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