what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
