I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
