Will you blow on my dice?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
