You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
