This girl is more easily done than said...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
