he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
