My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
