Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dignity is for republicans.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
