Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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