The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
