my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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