Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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