happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
In America we eat man semen.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
