My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
