This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
