rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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