I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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