This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
