forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
