I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
there is glitter all over my balls
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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