New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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