the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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