Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.