I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I got her a Nickelback box set.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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