$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.