You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
