I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
