Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
