I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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