he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
