things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
