420 ftw
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
