He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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