grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
