my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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