Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
