No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
