Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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