I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
