i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
