you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
