I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
