Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
