someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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