WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
handjob tips. give me some.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
