9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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