In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
They took my balls.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
