suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
