I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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