I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
