So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
