She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
