he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
