So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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