ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize