i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
