im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
