But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
