I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
