last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
