Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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