I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
