All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I love you. Go after that dick
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
