if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
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On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
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I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys