My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
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theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
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Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.