I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
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He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
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He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed