My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
