You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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