Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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