I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
PANTIES FOUND
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