That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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