youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
it glows. i had to have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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