"it" just moved
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
