Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You're a waste of cheezeits
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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