Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
