Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Pants are for mortals
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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